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Connecting with those around us is one of the greatest joys that we are given during our lives. All too often we isolate ourselves from the people that we meet, and then wonder why we feel all alone. Of course, this is not to say that you should endeavor to connect in an intimate way with everyone that you meet, but what harm would it do to take a moment to chat with the person standing next to you at the grocery store. Realize that you might be met with a look of suspicion, people have been taught all too well to be wary of strangers, but you might be surprised at how many people will welcome the interaction. One of the things that I try to do daily, is to make the people that I deal with have just a little better day. When I see that cashier that is being treated like an automaton, I am disgusted. Lets start treating people as people. That guy that is bagging your groceries is not a machine, he deserves just as much respect as you do. Take a moment to thank him and ask how his day is going. Who knows, he might one day be your surgeon! Another important thing to keep in mind is that we all give off energy. When you notice a positive energy coming from a person that you are interacting with, take the time to let them know how wonderful the energy is that they send forth. In sensing the energy that people give off, you can often know if this is somebody that you should be connecting with. In my tantra workshops I often do an exercise where people see if they can feel the energy from another person. Some people feel nothing, but others will feel what can only be described as an electrical charge. That electrical charge seems to be there with the people that have an almost karmic connection, and can bring the highest level of good and love into each others life. Now I am not suggesting that you run around doing tantric exercises with everyone that you meet. That would be a little odd, and probably a bad idea. However, be aware of the energies around you; you never know when those special people will come into your life. Who knows, maybe it is that guy bagging your loaf of bread or the teller at your bank. Take a moment now to think how you will use these ideas. How will you make somebody's day just a little bit brighter? Will you let people know that you appreciate them? Will you acknowledge the feeling of connection, rapport, or even love that you feel; or will you just go on with you life and wonder what you might have missed? I urge you to take the time to appreciate those around you, and open your heart to those with which hat you sense an energetic connection. Have a wonderful day, and make somebody's day just a little better for having interacted with you.
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One thing that is true for almost every human being is the desire to love and be loved. Yet all too often we see people that first looked like they had a great relationship finding themselves falling out of love, or even worse, feeling that they have been betrayed. What can you do to give your relationships the best probability of success? By following the 7 simple rules below, you can up your chances of having and maintaining a healthy, positive relationship. 1: Never Stop Seducing Your Partner! Too often I see people think that once they have somebody in their life, they can slack off and stop treating the person with the love, respect and desire that they once did. Keep doing those things that you did early on to sweep him/her off their feet. Aim to make that person fall in love with you each and every day! 2: Do Not Take Your Partner For Granted By remembering that your partner is not obligated to be with you, but is there by choice, you can motivate yourself to continue the courting throughout life. No matter how amazing or hot you might think you are, you are not so great that you can simply assume, that despite your actions, your partner will always be in your life. 3: Keep It Fresh Many couples fall into the habit of doing the same things over and over, and never explore different aspects of life or new activities. This can fall into categories that range from where you eat, to more sexual parts of your relationship. By finding new and interesting things to do, you grow together, and build a life of exploration and excitement. 4: Make Your Partner a Priority We all want to know that we are important to our partners, and by setting time aside, you have the opportunity to discuss, explore and grow together. However, there is more to it than that, by making sure that you are giving your partner time devoted to them, you are also showing them that they are valued by you. Give love to get love! 5: Realize That Differences Will Arise While we would all like to think that our relationships will be problem free, we all know that this is just not true. I have often told people coming into my life that I will make them one promise: “I will let you down, and you will let me down. The question is not if we will fail each other, but how we will deal with it when we do.” When those times come, fight fair! Do not bring up the past, communicate from a position of “I” statements, use active listening, and voice what you appreciate about the other person. 6: It Is Not All About You! Be willing to do things that your partner is interested in doing even if you are not exactly thrilled by the idea. A while back my wife was wanting to see a movie that did not exactly entice me. While it was not my first choice, I went because it pleases me to make her happy. Be willing to compromise; give and take equally, and you will be rewarded for your efforts 7: Honest Communication Communicate with your partner what you need in your life. If you do not let the other person know what you require, you can not expect them to read your mind and fulfill your unspoken expectations. Be honest about your mistakes, and be willing to accept responsibility in your life. While I would love to tell you that following these guidelines will assure a successful relationship, to do so would be a lie. Relationships take effort on all sides, and sad as it may be, not all relationships last. However by adhering to these concepts, you raise the odds of success exponentially! I wish you the best in achieving a life filled with love, wonder, and excitement... ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT A GOOD PARTNER IS A GIFT TO BE CHERISHED!
As you look back upon your life, you are sure to see that you have gone through some changes and developments that you never would have predicted. Too often I hear people saying that they have no idea how they got to the place that they are now. This saddens me, in that I believe that we should all be the designer of our own lives. Now keep in mind that this is not to say that we do not run into unplanned circumstances that change us forever, but for the most part, I believe that it is better to decide on who and where you want to be, and then take the steps needed to achieve your own personal dreams. Over the past week I have had correspondence with some people from back in high school, and this got me thinking about how I progressed through my life. I recall back then, being the socially clueless, out of shape, awkward guy that often felt like I was on the outside looking in. Now, I not only coach people on social skills, physical fitness, and relationship development, but I have those areas rather well managed in my own life. Was this change an accident? No! It was the decision to build myself into the person that I wanted to be. If I did not have a clear image of who I wanted to be, then I would have been leaving my life to chance, and simply hoping that it would somehow turn out well. So, how can you start, or continue, your personal journey towards becoming a more ideal you? The first step is to think about a jigsaw puzzle. Yes, you read right... a jigsaw puzzle. Think about it for a moment, is it easier to put together a puzzle with the box top in front of you, or without ever seeing it? Obviously, it is easier to put the pieces together when you know what the picture is going to look like in the end. In my case, the box top shows a man who has the ability to take charge in his personal, work and social life. This man is physically fit, and is dressed in a way that speaks of his security with his body. He chooses, and controls his own career path. He is comfortable interacting, and attracting the opposite sex. He has the courage to enforce his own standards, even if it means having to leave behind those that wish him to compromise those standards. He is a leader when he has the skills to lead, and a student when he does not. By knowing who I wanted to be, I had taken the first step in changing myself. From there it was, and still is, a question of finding the resources to help me put together the puzzle pieces that I already had, and create new pieces when my existing resources lack. This process did not take place overnight, but it did not take half as long as I would have thought. I learned to love myself with all of my imperfections, while constantly striving to move closer and closer to becoming the man on that box cover. I challenge you to take some time, and design your box cover. Examine that picture to determine what pieces you already have, and how they fit; also decide what resources you need to build and create. Then take the steps needed, while enjoying the journey. If you decide that you would benefit from some assistance, feel free to give my office a call at 505-884-0164, and I will be more than happy to arrange for a free consultation to help start you on your way. In today’s world many of us feel like there is just no time to accomplish everything that we want to do. The phrase that I hear over and over again in my practice is “I am overwhelmed!”. I bet that many of you reading this blog have felt exactly that way many, many times.
As a result of feeling overwhelmed, many people begin to cut corners and fail to accomplish all that they have set their sights upon. For some, this means omitting the healthy diet, exercise and physical fitness that they promised themselves; for others, it might mean not spending the time with a partner that they know that they should, and still other people may start to set aside projects that they know could lead them to greater financial freedom. Needless to say, none of these actions, or lack of actions, are in anybody’s best interest in the long run. So, how can you start managing your time to assure that you reach your goals? The first step is to discover what is really important in your life. Take a little time and think through such questions as:
Once that you have answered these questions about yourself, you should have a better grasp of yourself and your personal values. Do not rush your answers! These are some big questions, and you should give them the time that they deserve. Once that you have this greater insight into yourself, you will need to look at your goals. To examine your personal goals explore such questions as:
The simple act of writing out a schedule of what you plan to accomplish, and when you plan to have it done, can in and of itself be a great first step. Try this out for a week, and you will be shocked by how you can start to bring into your life the things that are of greatest value to you. In my life coaching practice, I always guide new clients through a version of the above exercises. While having a trained professional help you along can be of immense benefit, it is possible to do some of these beginning steps entirely on your own. I wish you the best in your path to self discovery, and you can always contact my office should you want, or need any further assistance. There seem to be two extreme camps or schools of thought when it comes to getting what you want out of life. We have all heard of those people out there that push the idea that nobody is on your side, and that if you want to succeed in the world, then you have to make your wants, and desires your number one priority. Then there is the other extreme which states that if you do for others, then the people around you, or the universe, will give you everything that you want. It is my opinion that neither of these points of view are healthy, nor will they produce the end results that most people are really looking to achieve. The school of thought that states that every action, and decision should be based upon the question of ones own wants, seems like it might make sense at first glance. However, upon closer examination, the idea shows itself to be a cop-out for self-centered, and egocentric behavior. While it is obvious, and very true that we should all take our personal needs into consideration, there is an equal need to take others into account at the same time. If you get what you want, but do so by hurting others, or living a life that lacks honor, how much joy can that be? Just because a person feels a drive to do certain things that they think will make them happy, does not make the actions appropriate, or healthy, for anyone involved. The other ideology that says that we should simply do for others, can be equally harmful. In many cases this way of thinking and acting can turn into a manipulative ploy. We have all known the person who does for others with stings attached. Even though the expected return may not be verbally expressed, it is nonetheless often present. Over time, this type of behavior can foster resentment on both sides. The “giver” can start to resent the fact that the recipient does not act as they expected, and the recipient can start to feel guilt. Since neither of these seem to produce a healthy way of going through life, how can we come to a balance that will yield greater harmony both within ourselves, and in our relationships? To counteract this type of mindset, it is important that we all think about the rights and feelings of others, and not just our own. In NLP we often talk about the ecology of an action or outcome. What this refers to is the concept that we do not live in a vacuum, and that most every action will have an impact that will ripple outward across various parts of our lives. As a result it is important to always look at the potential effect that our actions will have on our lives and those around us. By doing the above, at least we can come closer to being able to live a life of honor and balance. If you are ready to start exploring more balance in your life, feel free to contact our office to arrange your free introductory session. Of course, we all want our lives to be as successful as possible. However, many of us have not yet reached the place that we really want to be, and often we let our perceived “failures” hold us back. No matter what takes place in life, it happens for a reason. There are times that one thing leads to another, and what first appeared to be a setback is in reality the key element to discovering a new piece of the puzzle. Instead of keeping yourself in a prison of fear, and lamenting past letdowns, learn to use them as tools to create the life that you have always wanted.
How can I get there from here? 1. Remember that you are not a failure! Everyone experiences setbacks, and the wise learn from them. In NLP we often say that there is no such thing as failure, only feedback. 2. Help others around you feel better about themselves. This alone can not only help them, but it can set you on the path to becoming an even more empowered person. 3. Keep in mind that your life is a playing field for improvement... and improvement come from learning. Every situation that does not go as you wanted, is an opportunity to adapt and grow. 4. Set specific goals! If you do not know where you wish to be you will probably not get there. 5. In NLP we talk about chunking down. This means taking things in smaller parts. By doing this with the areas of your life that want to improve, you can have small success, after small success... and enough small successes, equal major triumphs. 6. Show your appreciation for others. When we show appreciation for others, they tend to show it in return. When people feel recognized by you, they are happier, and more often want to reciprocate. Just remember to be sincere, and act without expectation. 7. Remember that everyone is different. No matter how much you may have in common, there are no two people that are the same, nor have exactly the same mindset. We all experience the world through our own set of filters... and none of those filters are fully accurate. Many people are looking to be an instant success, however true success often takes some time and experimentation before it is complete. By following the pointers that I mentioned above, you will be a step in front of the place that many people are coming from. Of course, if you want to speed up the process even more, you can always get some help from a trained professional in personal develop. As a certified hypnotherapist, life coach, and Master Practitioner of NLP, I have worked with people from all walks of life, and have seen them make amazing strides toward achieving their ideal life. Find a competent professional, and you will be amazed at how much faster you will be able to see your personal dreams come true. When dealing with difficult people, remember that your number one goal is always to create a positive feeling in the other person. You should never try to get a person to change their behavior, or opinion, until you have thoroughly established rapport. This is the most important initial step. When this has been secured, you are then ready to work on any issues that may have to be dealt with. When you are dealing with people, you should bring up a positive feeling within yourself, intend for the outcome to be mutually satisfactory, and imagine both of you acting in healthy ways. Your mindset should be calm, up beat, and optimistic, whatever the external situation, your mind should be concentrated upon the desired outcome, and its accomplishment should be thought of as certain. The response of the person may be slower than you would like, but this should not discourage you, as some people do not take suggestions quickly, nor act on them instantly. It is invariably best that people know that they are acting on their personal judgment; they should feel perfectly free, not at all coerced. The goal should always be a win-win situation; one that leaves both of you feeling good. While NLP offers may ways to develop rapport, and offers a skill set that allows for amazing communication, the easiest first step is to simply assume that rapport already exists. If you are interested in learning more, or would benefit from expert assistance, feel free to contact us and we will be more than happy to work with you! Ever wonder why someone can not even achieve an half of what they dream of? Blame it on dreaming, and lack of having goals.
Setting goals is a very important part of success, and accomplishment. It is like climbing a 30ft building, and deciding early on how many feet you would like to reach in a specific time. People who set goals create a map toward their achievements in life, marking where they should begin, where to pause, where to push a bit, and where to stop. Once this map is made, it allows the map maker to check where he is in the scheme of things, and whether or not he is making progress that will take him closer to his goals. By setting goals, people will know how they are doing, and what they should be focusing on to achieve their dreams in life. They will know if they can relax, or if they have to increase their efforts. Goal setting means a person is proactive in dealing with life. Being proactive means one is able to outline possible challenges, as well as the solutions to these difficulties. By doing so, a person is not instantly defeated when challenges occur. He knows they may happen, and has prepared a strategy for when that time comes. Setting goals enables people to monitor their progress in whatever they have set out to do. It will help people become more confident, and more motivated about their plans. That said, goal setting isn’t enough, as it needs to be accompanied by a positive mind set and self-discipline. A person may have a map of where he wants to go, but if he does not have the necessary discipline, then nothing will come out of it. To be successful, the goals that one sets should be realistic, and based on ones abilities, as well as relevant external factors. Being too ambitious in setting goals can make the goals unrealistic, and hard to achieve. However, do not set goals that are too low, as this might undermine one’s vision, instead of achieving it. It is also necessary that the person setting the plan also include a time frame within which the goal will be achieved. This way, he is able to determine if he has to expedite his strategies, or slow down a bit. Goal setting will also help a person monitor if he is acting within his plans, and doing things towards the achievement of his long term goals. Once you have some success, even a little bit, give yourself a pat in the back to keep you motivated. But do not be too satisfied with just a little achievement, as this may cause you to backslide. Setting goals can be used in every aspect of life - from one’s personal life, to career or finances. Goal setting can be as simple as setting a target weight when you wish to shed some pounds, or it can be something big, like earning your first million! When setting goals, it is always important to set guidelines that suit your present situation, your capabilities, and other factors that may influence the achievement of your goal. If you desire help in making your dreams and goals a reality, Life Coaching can be of tremendous value. Contact our office and we will be more than happy to help you in your personal journey. |
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Stan Alexander, M.Ed., C.Ht. Archives
March 2020
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